Surpassed

           You’re definitely thinking about something but what? Chin resting on his clasped hands he stared forward, seemingly preoccupied by the wood grain of the table. She twiddled with her bracelet, the silence making her uncomfortable. Out of nowhere he orders a hot drink only for her, grateful for the opportunity to speak she tells him profusely there really was no need for that. She is ignored and so she recedes back to her bracelet, secretly trying to work out what kind of strange mind game he was playing. After sometime the waiter served her whilst trying to conceal his curiosity about these two silent youngsters. She rolled her eyes if I knew what he was up to I would sure let you know she thought to herself.  He was looking at his watch anxious about Asr time probably. Something about Ramadan had changed him greatly; her admiration of him left a bitter taste in her mouth. She drank her tea quickly, he waited for her and then without a word he got up. That was her cue to leave with him.
            She disliked him for that. Why couldn’t he say the words that tugged at his lips and played in his heart again and again? Why wouldn’t he tell her that she wasn’t good enough, not religious enough not righteous enough, not pious enough. Even more so she loathed herself for she knew he was right. For she knew that he had surpassed her in ways that she couldn’t imagine. She saw the beauty of his character and the passion with which he worshipped as his light shone brighter and brighter she began to feel more exposed.

He, on the other hand longed to take her with him, but he doubted himself, he had journeyed to the depths of his soul and come back to see he was not ready to carry another. He saw the diseases of his heart and the darkness of his past. He adored her and wanted nothing more to stand by her side but he was too weak, too young and too naïve.  

It rips us sinew from sinew that perhaps the one we love , the one who our heart has been intoxicated with, is perhaps not meant for us . To know even further that it is you in your stupidity in your lack of self restraint which is the barrier that stands between the object of desire , well that is enough to break the heart itself. So though we choose to ignore and thrust the weight of destiny into our feeble hands , to God belongs our hearts and the authority . The truth is written. Perhaps it is easier to give our limp hearts to others but we know and we always knew that the grueling , painstaking process of mending must be done by us.
“Impure women are for impure men and impure men are for impure women. Pure women are for pure men and pure men are for pure women.”
Quran, 24:26