To be Forgiven

Allah's Messenger (peace be upon him) said: My example and your example is that of a person who lit the fire and insects and moths began to fall in it and he would be making efforts to take them out, and I am going to hold you back from fire, but you are slipping from my hand.

 Sahih Muslim Hadith Narrated by Jabir ibn Abdullah

It has dawned on you the magnitude of choices made, while blinded by foolish love. Attempts to patch up broken beginnings fail. Your parents have moved from, disbelief, disgust, disappointment to eventual hatred. They wish to love you but it is written in their eyes that they can’t. That haphazard bubble has burst leaving tear soaked pillows and chocolate wrappers in its path. The heart is raw with the pain of loss. You cling desperately to what is wrong for it is all you have ever known by then. 

            It has been a decade, trying to piece together the echoes of ancient advice. No matter how hard you try it is not the same. You look back trying to ascertain where did it all go wrong. Perhaps through the hazy memories of what seemed like love you will remember the little people in your life. The insignificant people you waved goodbye to so readily. Lying awake at night muttering profanities under your breath. You knew, you must have known the thought reverberates in your mind. So why, why did you let this happen to me. At that moment our short lived past becomes salt in open wounds. You feel something of hate at the negligence, the sheer disregard by which you were left.
            Let me tell you in all honesty I tried, miserably. The stubbornness by which you clung to the sin shocked me and in hindsight it probably shocks you. I had to watch you slip through incapable fingers into perpetual doom. I called you with every voice I ever knew until it hurt too much to speak. I am sorry.

             And so tonight as you lay crying tears of guilt and remorse know that ten years prior I too cried the very same tears. I stared at upturned palms in the darkness thinking what have I done. And I found eventual solace knowing God answers the prayers of those who are patient; I pray that you will too.