Names

Stories spin rapidly into one another
We are distraught at the description but
The teller is laughing indifferently
She talks of dreams of black and
Screams at night time and fears that
Boil over and scald her as she recites
Verses to quench the pain
A bystander worries
'I will pray for you'
But quickly adds
'What is your name?'

I laugh a joyful laugh
It reminds me just the same
The time of pre-ramadan dates
Just before iftaar and I asked
Naming one by one
The sisters that I love
'Saliah' I say and pause
I don't know a Saliah but
Here she is in the middle of my prayers
If God is not stingy with what he grants
Then why should I be as I pray for all the Saliahs
of today the future and buried in history

Our prayers are nameless sometimes
They come from the pits of our being
Where the kind hearted masked hero
Is all we know but it is enough
So pray for the faceless souls
Who have painted broad strokes onto
The canvas of our life
So pray and wash the brushes
Complete the masterpiece
Before we die

Allah's Messenger (peace be upon him) said, "When a man makes another his brother he should ask him his name, his father's name and the stock from which he comes, for it binds friendship more closely."
Tirmidhi

Crazy Love

We are all madly in love.The love of fools which stems from deep within.That causes us to run after and clutch hold of things like needy children squabbling. This love that is so intoxicating,  as our eyelids close and crisp air fills our lungs one last time some of us finally see and others quite simply don't.It is a pushing and a pulling, a heaving sort feeling that stretches out inside us ,barely containable, as it touches the boundaries of our body. This emotion that we have failed to understand, to appreciate is the driving force of our being, it is irrevocably interconnected us. It is malformed truths , unfulfilled rights , it is striving and falling at the same time . It is so tangible that we can feel it in the pulse of our hearts repeating words of I miss you and I am sorry . It is a grandeur that some cannot endure defining the men from the boys. We push it aside we hold it so dearly tight that we squeeze the life out of it and us . Through this capacity of epic proportion that we contain, this remarkable ability to feel that bubbles away inside of us we wander aimlessly on this earth .

Dear Humanity,
I apologize, I really should have told you earlier but your lack of appreciation , of wondering , of simply thinking and reflecting , your incessant desire to push the boundaries beyond what is good for you or I , to transgress in a downward spiraling fashion chasing after your whims , to forget the purity of emotion , to the forget the once purity of your own self has led to this .
You see, humanity , to my untrained red, swollen eyes you in your lustful,unchivalrous, selfish way have, it seems, destroyed love.

  “…and do not come near Zina; indeed, it is an abomination and an evil way”
Quran Al-Isra’: 32

For Zina and love to be synonymous with each other by our own measly definitions has indeed brought a great sadness to this heart. Zina is ugly , it is lustful it is chasing after your own interest with no regards to commitment and it is a flagrant disobedience. Love on the other hand is ...

“To say حـب one must commit the entire mouth from the throat to the lips, symbolic of the commitment of life in love.”

Please Niqaabis, Hijaabis, Muslimahs, my sisters. The potential to love is great, but like many things in life, the wrong circumstance can have fatal consequences. Your heart is beautiful so value it .

Praise

I’m finally ready to let go
And say goodbye
To a world I am leaving soon
I see the light of the moon
Dark waves of the sky
Cold breeze
Whispering through my hijaab
My fingers are numb
And my eyelids close gently
I breath
But finally aware of every breath
By finally embracing my death
souls sparks and is alive
I have shed too many tears
And wasted much time
And have been neglectful
In the remembrance of my Lord
Indeed to him I will return
Heavy downpour
Don’t weep for me
Oh soft and fluffy cloud
Cherish the silence
And cherish the sound
I smile
Praise be to Allah today
How majestic, how vast the bounty
How complete the mercy
Praise be to Allah today
And everyday that has been
And every day I will live to see
And every day that is beyond my reach
Praise be to Allah today
The turner of hearts has blessed me to say
I am pleased
I am pleased with Islam as my religion
As Muhammad upon him be peace
As the messengers seal
And with Allah as my Lord

Goodbye

I did not say goodbye.

There are no memories framed

Neatly, stacked empty boxes. 

I will not remember you 

Nor will I trap you behind cardboard

Label you fragile

And let you collect dust. 

No, I refuse to let this mind wander

Through overgrown grass last July

Or reminisce about how it felt to stand

Side by side that Friday

Or how eyes would shine

And smiles would smile honest and true.
 No, I will not remember you.

And I will not say goodbye.

For your words do not line the past
They build the present. 

I take our time together

Clasped in trembling hands .
I vow to live your  naseeha

To follow your example

Knowing it is taken

From the messengers seal.

Those small gestures of adab

That moved my soul , will live

I strive to strive , to struggle

For an end greater than you or I .
So though these eyes shed tears
There is no sorrow, nor remorse

For I know and I dream of the day we will meet
So I feel no need 

To say

Goodbye

Assuming the Good

I’m delusional
Or so I am told. 

I’m off my head and just plain loopy .
This year has been too much for this heart
The amalgamation of hope and sorrow
Never painted a pretty picture .
So here I am, crazy cat lady lacking any cats. 

There were potholes even I wouldn’t deny that.
I thought they were mended ,
By your cement and tears from my eyes.
I knew we would fall gracelessly from time to time
I thought we would learn and pick ourselves up again.
It is not that I don’t see the issue
Rather that I see it on a completely different scale .
Insignificant compared to the good , the potential and the duas
Non existent when faced by night time prayers of forgiveness on your behalf . 
Perhaps or most likely it is true
But I won’t let it define you.
Who would have thought that optimism stings ?
You keep digging out the dirt
And helplessly I keep filling it in. 

It ruptures the earth and breaks the bones
That unremitting expanse of sin.

Abu Huraira reported Allah's Apostle (may peace be upon him) as saying:
The servant (who conceals) the faults of others in this world, Allah would conceal his faults on the Day of Resurrection.Muslim Book 32 Hadith 6267 

Imam Bayhaqi in his Shu`ab al-Iman [7.522]. 
 He (Hamdun al qassar) said (Allah have mercy on him), 
"If a friend among your friends errs, make seventy excuses for them. If your hearts are unable to do this, then know that the shortcoming is in your own selves"

Night Time Chorus

Surreal moments before dawn

Heart strings intertwine
A chorus so sublime
And it repeats with all that glorious familiarity
The verses we will write
Our hands moved by biro pens

21^st century and romanticism doesn’t end
And sometimes things don’t have to rhyme
To be beautiful
They just need to happen at exactly the right time

In that moment if I could be seated any closer to you
I would
To hear your heart beat with mine
To feel my soul gently press against yours
To live it through your eyes
Oh what tremendous vision I envision

Soft whispers are immense to open ears

We read the book of hope and fear
Voices tremble at our lowly state

Perseverance.

There is an overwhelming desire to fill the silence
For tonight we sing
The songs of tied-up souls
I yearn for the words to flow
Letting them merge lovingly with yours
As we recite the chorus once more

In the narration of al-Baraa` Ibn 'Aazib (may Allah be pleased with him) the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said:

Adorn your voices with the Quran.  
Abu Dawud. Authenticated by Al-Albaanee 

Disclaimer: the above poem, about reciting Quran and learning tajweed, was meant only to inspire actually 'Reciting the Quran in a melodious way whereby it resembles the melody of a song is disliked and is an innovation, a ruling clearly mentioned by Malik, al-Shafi'i, Ahmad bin Hanbal and other imams as well.'

Stated by Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyyah

Time

I rub extra virgin olive oil
into cracked heels.
Her feet are round, pudgy,

Swollen.
She winces and I apologise.

Sipping herbal concoctions with distaste

Hot water bottle against her waist

I wonder why the TV is on behind me
Pupils struggle to focus
She is staring at something beyond me

Tentatively moist hands

Rub between toes 

There are no

Does that hurt?

Or are my hands too cold

Today she lays down at ease

It is too quiet,

Unnerving is the sound as I breathe

Oh her feet are worn,
by burdens carried

Of heavy hearts and

Night time feeds,
There are steps taken
in an undisclosed history

For it is woman who strives

Hands raw to the bone
to feed the children

And build a home

This heart wonders at this world
that is seemingly the same

Deception. I know that it has changed

Systematically from right to left

Thrice. How miserable the passage of time

Bereft

The narration (hadith) as recorded by Imam Ahmad bin Hanbal in his Musnad is related by Mu`awiyah bin Jahima al-Sulami in which he came to the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and give him peace) and said,
‘O Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and give him peace) I desire to go on the military expedition and I have come to consult you.’
He (Allah bless him and give him peace) asked, ‘Do you have a mother?’
He said, ‘Yes.’
He (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, ‘Stay with her because paradise lies beneath her feet.’

'And We have enjoined upon man [care] for his parents. His mother carried him, [increasing her] in weakness upon weakness, and his weaning is in two years. Be grateful to Me and to your parents; to Me is the [final] destination.'
Surah Luqman Verse 14

To be Forgiven

Allah's Messenger (peace be upon him) said: My example and your example is that of a person who lit the fire and insects and moths began to fall in it and he would be making efforts to take them out, and I am going to hold you back from fire, but you are slipping from my hand.

 Sahih Muslim Hadith Narrated by Jabir ibn Abdullah

It has dawned on you the magnitude of choices made, while blinded by foolish love. Attempts to patch up broken beginnings fail. Your parents have moved from, disbelief, disgust, disappointment to eventual hatred. They wish to love you but it is written in their eyes that they can’t. That haphazard bubble has burst leaving tear soaked pillows and chocolate wrappers in its path. The heart is raw with the pain of loss. You cling desperately to what is wrong for it is all you have ever known by then. 

            It has been a decade, trying to piece together the echoes of ancient advice. No matter how hard you try it is not the same. You look back trying to ascertain where did it all go wrong. Perhaps through the hazy memories of what seemed like love you will remember the little people in your life. The insignificant people you waved goodbye to so readily. Lying awake at night muttering profanities under your breath. You knew, you must have known the thought reverberates in your mind. So why, why did you let this happen to me. At that moment our short lived past becomes salt in open wounds. You feel something of hate at the negligence, the sheer disregard by which you were left.
            Let me tell you in all honesty I tried, miserably. The stubbornness by which you clung to the sin shocked me and in hindsight it probably shocks you. I had to watch you slip through incapable fingers into perpetual doom. I called you with every voice I ever knew until it hurt too much to speak. I am sorry.

             And so tonight as you lay crying tears of guilt and remorse know that ten years prior I too cried the very same tears. I stared at upturned palms in the darkness thinking what have I done. And I found eventual solace knowing God answers the prayers of those who are patient; I pray that you will too.