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Monday, 3 June 2013

The Heaviness of a Heart

There is a heaviness
In my bones I think
There is a weight that chokes

Little parts of me are dying
They say sometimes
You dig your own grave
And sins stick like dirt
To the tips of my fingers
And there is hurt everywhere I look
I am scared of my grave
Scared what I've dug for myself
This worldly life absorbs
Deeper, deeper still
I am so far below
It chokes, it chokes

Everyday is a little closer
They will say goodbye to me for the last time
And I will close my eyes for the last time
My chest will heave for the last time

Regrets pile to the point of suffocation
And life dies into idle afternoons
I am trying to be good, well behaved
Cross legged on carpets,fingers touch the lips
But it so easy to forget
But I am slipping ever closer
To try harder she says
But it is harder than I thought
This heart of mine

On the authority of Ibrāhīm (رحمه الله تعالى) who said, “Once ‘A’ishah passed by a tree and she said,
‘I wish I was a leaf of this tree.’”
[Kitāb az-Zuhd (345/10]

The Sins of a Soul

Friday, 24 May 2013

Final

It felt like my final Friday though
It wasn't or at least it shouldn't be
Because home is where the heart is
And I really shouldn't need to explain

This Jummah was fuller than usual
From the corner at the back of the hall
My silent prayers reached somewhere
Where they were heard and responded to

If this is the final jummah then
Where are you?
They tell me to forget , to move on
But the piles and piles of prayers are recorded
We have prayed for you in rain, in sujood
With such painful hope we prayed

I wonder at the day that
We make it home to Jannah
Will I look in wonder where
Are you, did you make it
On the back of a prayer,
Because the streets were empty this Friday
And you were not in that hall
I keep reminding myself that two years
Is not very long at all to hope
God's bounty is without bounds
We will find our way home
We will
Ameen

The Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم) said: "Let not any one of you say, 'O Allah, forgive me if You will, O Allah, have mercy on me if You will.' Let him be resolute in the matter, whilst knowing that no one can compel Allah to do anything." (Bukhari)

That Allah may reward them [according to] the best of what they did and increase them from His bounty. And Allah gives provision to whom He wills without account.Surah Nur

"And whoever does evil or wrongs himself but afterwards seeks Allah's forgiveness, he will find Allah Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.'' 4:110
Narrated Sahel Ibn Sa'ad (RA): that the Messenger of Allah (SAW) said: 'Two will not be rejected, Supplication when the Adhan (call of prayer) is being called, and at the time of the rain'.
[Al-Hakim 2: 114, and Abu Dawud #2540, ibn Majah] 


http://fiqhulhadith.wordpress.com/2012/06/06/the-forgotten-sunnah-standing-in-the-rain/

Thursday, 23 May 2013

College

I need to concentrate
But the importance of such things eludes me
This work is not strenuous, a manageable load
One that slips from my hands
The papers are a mess on the floor
If I pick up these pieces of knowledge
Will they seep into my skin like
The ink of poetry on my wrist
Will I find myself living
The words I wrote, the
Words I memorized
By heart
Learn it by heart
But my heart is somewhere far
From classrooms
I try to call it back but it is
Too filled with things I love
Too heavy to return

Wednesday, 22 May 2013

The Questioning

I shouldn't draw such comparisons
But how else will I see the face of what I've become

They asked me to talk about the things I love
I thought of a room three walls and a wooden barrier
The sound of recitation , the early morning silence
The way the colours of the light change

They asked me what I would miss the most
The peoples whose shoulders touched mine in prayer
The prayer room , The prayer room

They asked me what I would do differently, if I had my time again
I would build a mineret and never venture into the Refect
Spend more time in my room ,
My room with three walls

But I forget under the lights
They smile as if everything is right
But it's not,
Two people, flesh and bones
Took the thoughts from my head
And death I think
How when faced by angels
Three questions again
How will I get it right?

When the legs are crossed
And the soul reaches the throat
Not a change of lighting but of life
Will my tongue remember
The kalimah I claimed to love
Or will strange worldly things slip
Me from my place in Heaven.

It was narrated that al-Bara’ (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: We went out with the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) for the funeral of a man from among the Ansaar. We came to the grave and when (the deceased) was placed in the lahd, the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) sat down and we sat around him, as if there were birds on our heads (i.e., quiet and still). In his hand he had a stick with which he was scratching the ground.

T
hen he raised his head and said, “Seek refuge with Allaah from the torment of the grave”, two or three times. Then he said, “When the believing slave is about to depart this world and enter the Hereafter, there come down to him from heaven angels with white faces like the sun, and they sit around him as far as the eye can see. They bring with them shrouds from Paradise and perfumes from Paradise. Then the Angel of Death comes and sits by his head, and he says, ‘O good soul, come forth to forgiveness from Allaah and His pleasure.’ Then it comes out easily like a drop of water from the the mouth of a waterskin. When he seizes it, they do not leave it in his hand for an instant before they take it and put it in that shroud with that perfume, and there comes from it a fragrance like the finest musk on the face of the earth. Then they ascend and they do not pass by any group of angels but they say, ‘Who is this good soul?’ and they say, ‘It is So and so the son of So and so, calling him by the best names by which he was known in this world, until they reach the lowest heaven. They ask for it to be opened to them and it is opened, and (the soul) is welcomed and accompanied to the next heaven by those who are closest to Allaah, until they reach the seventh heaven. Then Allaah says: ‘Record the book of My slave in ‘Illiyoon in the seventh heaven, and return him to the earth, for from it I created them, to it I will return them and from it I will bring them forth once again.’ So his soul is returned to his body and there come to him two angels who make him sit up and they say to him, ‘Who is your Lord?’ He says, ‘Allaah.’ They say, ‘What is your religion?’ He says, ‘My religion is Islam.’ They say, ‘Who is this man who was sent among you?’ He says, ‘He is the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him).’ They say, ‘What did you do?’ He says, ‘I read the Book of Allaah and I believed in it.’ Then a voice calls out from heaven, ‘My slave has spoken the truth, so prepare for him a bed from Paradise and clothe him from Paradise, and open for him a gate to Paradise.’ Then there comes to him some of its fragrance, and his grave is made wide, as far as he can see. Then there comes to him a man with a handsome face and handsome clothes, and a good fragrance, who says, ‘Receive the glad tidings that will bring you joy this day.’ He says, ‘Who are you? Your face is a face which brings glad tidings.’ He says, ‘I am your righteous deeds.’ He says, ‘O Lord, hasten the Hour so that I may return to my family and my wealth.’ But when the disbelieving slave is about to depart this world and enter the Hereafter, there come down to him from heaven angels with black faces, bringing sackcloth, and they sit around him as far as the eye can see. Then the Angel of Death comes and sits by his head, and he says, ‘O evil soul, come forth to the wrath of Allaah and His anger.’ Then his soul disperses inside his body, then comes out cutting the veins and nerves, like a skewer passing through wet wool. When he seizes it, they do not leave it in his hand for an instant before they take it and put it in that sackcloth, and there comes from it a stench like the foulest stench of a dead body on the face of the earth. Then they ascend and they do not pass by any group of angels but they say, ‘Who is this evil soul?’ and they say, ‘It is So and so the son of So and so, calling him by the worst names by which he was known in this world, until they reach the lowest heaven. They ask for it to be opened to them and it is not opened.” Then the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) recited (interpretation of the meaning): 
“for them the gates of heaven will not be opened, and they will not enter Paradise until the camel goes through the eye of the needle”

[al-A’raaf 7:40] 
He said: “Then Allaah says, ‘Record the book of My slave in Sijjeen in the lowest earth, and return him to the earth, for from it I created them, to it I will return them and from it I will bring them forth once again.’ So his soul is cast down.”  Then the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) recited the verse (interpretation of the meaning): 
“and whoever assigns partners to Allaah, it is as if he had fallen from the sky, and the birds had snatched him, or the wind had thrown him to a far off place”
[al-Hajj 22:31] 
He said: “Then his soul is returned to his body, and there come to him two angels who make him sit up and they say to him, ‘Who is your Lord?’ He says, ‘Oh, oh, I don’t know.’ They say, ‘What is your religion?’ He says, ‘Oh, oh, I don’t know.’ Then a voice calls out from heaven, ‘Prepare for him a bed from Hell and clothe him from Hell, and open for him a gate to Hell.’ Then there comes to him some of its heat and hot winds, and his grave is constricted and compresses him until his ribs interlock. Then there comes to him a man with an ugly face and ugly clothes, and a foul stench, who says, ‘Receive the bad news, this is the day that you were promised.’ He says, ‘Who are you? Your face is a face which forebodes evil.’ He says, ‘I am your evil deeds.’ He says, ‘O Lord, do not let the Hour come, do not let the Hour come.’” 

Narrated by Abu Dawood, 4753; Ahmad, 18063 – this version was narrated by him. Classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami’, 1676.

Nay, when (the soul) reaches to the collar bone (i.e. up to the throat in its exit),
And it will be said: "Who can cure him and save him from death?"
And he (the dying person) will conclude that it was (the time) of departing (death);
And leg will be joined with another leg (shrouded)
The drive will be, on that Day, to your Lord (Allah)!
So he (the disbeliever) neither believed (in this Qur'an, in the Message of Muhammad peace be upon him) nor prayed!
 Again, woe to you [O man (disbeliever)]! And then (again) woe to you!
 But on the contrary, he belied (this Qur'an and the Message of Muhammad peace be upon him) and turned away!Then he walked in full pride to his family admiring himself!
Woe to you [O man (disbeliever)]! And then (again) woe to you!
Does man think that he will be left Suda [neglected without being punished or rewarded for the obligatory duties enjoined by his Lord (Allah) on him]?
Was he not a Nutfah (mixed male and female discharge of semen) poured forth?
Then he became an 'Alaqa (a clot); then (Allah) shaped and fashioned (him) in due proportion.
And made him in two sexes, male and female.
Surah Qiyamah

Friday, 17 May 2013

The Mirrored Girl

The Story of My Life Part VII

There is Quran and
Prayers to be made
Late night tears
Some semblance of piety

There is a dull ache
I am not oblivious
Just teary eyed in a public space
No longer knowing why

The turn out for Jummah was good
Didn't make the second jammat
I am constantly late for things
It would be the story of my life
If not for you

I am staring at the girl
On the other side of the street
No metaphors there never were
I told myself I wouldn't
How sorry I will be
When my eyes speak of what they saw

I will be held to account
Recounting every Friday
Every missed opportunity

I look at you and hope
That you will never cross that road


I don't remember when
You became the girl
The story of my life
When I first  found pieces of you scattered
In this guilty conscious

Sunday, 14 April 2013

The Seeds

Early spring shone on worktops
Eyes fixated on a crystal jug, small cups
Dates leaned on one another
Her eyes could not help but well with
The scents of a foreign land so familiar
Of Ramadan nights,early rise
They drank filling the thirst of the soul
The fulfillment of a need
So well complete, to never dry
Time gone by
Salsabil she thought ,she could not dream
The simplicity
The fulfillment of a need
The completion of a promise
An empty jug and date seeds

Oh Allah, let us reach Ramadan  اللهمَّ بلِّغْنا رَمَضَان

But the ones who believe and do righteous deeds - We will admit them to gardens beneath which rivers flow, wherein they will abide forever. [It is] the promise of Allah , [which is] truth, and who is more truthful than Allah in statement.
Surah Nisa

Everyone upon the earth will perish,
And there will remain the Face of your Lord, Owner of Majesty and Honor.

Surah Rehman

Ibn ‘Abbaas (radiyallahu ta’ala ‘anhu) narrates that he gave the Prophet (salallahu alayhi wasallam) the water of Zamzam and the Prophet (salallahu alayhi wasallam) drank the water of Zamzam whilst standing.
Bukhari

“O our Lord! I have made some of my offspring to dwell in an uncultivable valley by Your Sacred House (Kabah in Makkah), O our Lord, so that they may perform Salah. So fill some hearts among men with love towards them, and O Allah provide them with fruits so that they may give thanks.”
14:37

"And there they will be given a cup whose mixture is of Zanjabil (ginger). A fountain there, called Salsabil."
Surah Al Insan


Anas b. Mâik narrates that Allah’s Messenger (peace be upon him) used to break his fast with fresh dates before going to prayer. When fresh dates were unavailable, he would break his fast with dried dates. When dried dates were unavailable, he would take a few sips of water.
Sunan Abî Dâwûd (2356)

On Beauty and Weddings II

Part One Here

She smiled a pleasant smile
As she left
For the guests were so entwined
Man and women side by side
Unmarried but keen

This heart fluttered,
Heavy heads just want
To prostrate then and there
'Please don't let me die here'

'Destroy the sound system'
She prayed whispered prayers
Between main course and dessert
She wondered how the sins looked
Piled to chandeliers of fake light

She wondered at this man
Incredulous at his love
The way the eyes stared at his wife
The cameras as they shined
Flash, flash,flash
Could no one see

A bearded man
Screamed prayers between
Musical interludes

We are muslims so we don't drink
But your food hangover , vomit in the sink
Head spins,shoes on
Witr is it must?Did we even pray Isha salah
We are muslim so we lift veils
Onto our heads when we hear Quran
And wrap necklaces round our forehead
Lest our  adornment was concealed
We are muslim yet we lie,backbite
Broken family ties,lipstick red
Like blood they'd take from your veins
Cheap salaams,dagger eyes
Debt, expense,expanse of pride
Here, have your cake
And eat it
Consumption till we die
It is all so vile
This is how you begin your lives?


And tell the believing women to lower their gaze and guard their private parts and not show of their adornment except only that which is apparent, and draw their veils over their (necks and) bosoms and not reveal their adornment except to their husbands, their fathers, their husbands' fathers, their sons, their husbands' sons, their brothers, or their brothers' sons, or their sisters' sons, or their women, or their slaves, or male servants who lack vigor, or small children who have no knowledge of women's private parts. And let them not stamp their feet so as to reveal what they hide of their adornment. And turn you all to Allah in repentance, O believers, that you may be successful.
Surah Noor

Narrated Sahl bin Sad: 
The Prophet  peace and blessings be upon him said to a man, "Marry, even with (a Mahr equal to) an iron ring."
Bukhari

Prophet Muhammad (may Allah's blessings and peace be up upon him) said: "The whole world is a place of useful things and the best thing of this world is a virtuous woman (wife)."
Muslim

 Narrated Ibn 'Abbas: I heard the Prophet  peace and blessings be upon him saying, "If the son of Adam (the human being) had two valley of money, he would wish for a third, for nothing can fill the belly of Adam's son except dust, and Allah forgives him who repents to Him."  
Bukhari