Friday, 30 November 2012

The Sunnah

They have all fallen short and I
I am not surprised in the least
I have come to learn what
It means to be human

The azaan is pure ecstasy
If you could truly hear the words

Everything is beautiful within
Limits ordained
We are sheep grazing
Too close to boundaries
Eating from the forbidden
Hunger pushing for anything green
Ignoring other means of
Permissible fields uneaten
In our desire to fill this space
We have strayed

I am taken aback
I could cry as
She kisses her thumbs
And rubs her eyes
Oh dear me...

If I ignore the wrongs in my vicinity
Then I cannot be a shepherd
I will be nothing but a sheep

And he (sallallaahu alaihi wasallam) also said:
"… and every innovation is misguidance and all misguidance is in the Hellfire." 
Reported by an-Nasaa'ee (1/224) from Jaabir bin Abdullaah and it is saheeh as declared by Shaikh ul-Islaam Ibn Taymiyyah in Majmoo' ul-Fataawaa (3/58).

Ibn 'Umar reported that the Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, "All of you are shepherds and each of you is responsible for his flock. A man is the shepherd of the people of his house and he is responsible. A woman is the shepherd of the house of her husband and she is responsible. Each of you is a shepherd and each is responsible for his flock."

The Prophet (peace be upon him) said "Both the halaal (lawful) and the haraam (unlawful) things are (made) obvious, and in between them are (suspicious) doubtful matters. So whoever forsakes those doubtful things lest he may commit a sin, will definitely avoid what is clearly unlawful; and whoever indulges in these (suspicious) doubtful things bravely, is likely to commit what is clearly illegal. Sins are Allah's Hima (i.e. private pasture) and whoever pastures (his sheep) near it, is likely to get in it at any moment."

Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 3.267 Narrated by An Numan bin Bashir

'So hold fast to my Sunnah and the sunnah of the rightly-guided khalifahs, bite onto it with the (canine/molar) teeth. And beware of the new matters, for every innovation is misguidance."
Abu Dawud; Ibn Maajah; Tirmidhi; Ibn Hibban

Wednesday, 28 November 2012


I am tip-ex and smudged Biro pens
These wrongs have been corrected haphazardly
I am unable to hand this in for marking
So I rip it up and start again
But I can't remember my mistakes
Papery memories sit at my feet

We forget the things we love the most
Until it is one with us, it will always be
On top of us, this theoretical capacity unfulfilled
With no tolerance and one hundred percent error

Why have these words slipped from our tongues
Frantic hands flip through pages but we
Cannot read, we would not read

My mistakes are found through history
And the epitome of the story is
Found within the morality of the character
Textbook answers seen yet unread
We are blind, oblivious of oblivion
Forgetting the things that weigh the most
On these shoulders
Are heavy
on the scales
The answers are so obvious when we are told
And we were most definitely told

And whoever turns away from My remembrance - indeed, he will have a depressed life, and We will gather him on the Day of Resurrection blind."
He will say, "My Lord, why have you raised me blind while I was [once] seeing?"
[ Allah ] will say, "Thus did Our signs come to you, and you forgot them; and thus will you this Day be forgotten.

Surah Taha

“Verily Allaah raises some people by this Book and lowers others by it?”
Sahih Muslim

Monday, 26 November 2012

Interview Etiquette

Maybe I want to be everything you ask of me
But the process of becoming is like
Manufacturing cheap goods , second rate versions
Costing more and lacking luster and quality

Interviews are blouses and skirts billowing in a
Half hearted breeze of laughter
They will never be pleased with me
This system is agonized by the sight of me
Black abaya and scarf  without the accessories
And how can I meet you half way
To hell, fire singeing the ends and this
Hijaab loses a few inches quietly

Why can't I be assertive in the one thing that counts
Must I de-robe for a racist ideology
Climb career ladders in tailored suits
We're all just monkeys jumping through hoops but
This hijaabi can shoot from outside
The three point line so give me a foul but
Don't deny that I knew my stuff

And don't worry I can integrate
Let me factor out all the lies and trials
Found in the small print of this contract
And divide my time between between heaven and this
To find the truth in clause 1ai- I am oppressed
By fools who try to tell me how to dress

Sunday, 25 November 2012

To be Forgotten

Narrated Sahel Ibn Sa’ad (RA): that the Messenger of Allah (SAW) said:
‘Two will not be rejected, Supplication when the Adhan (call of prayer) is being called, and at the time of the rain’.
Abu Dawud & ibn Majah

It is 3:07am , the year 2022. There is an hour left until Fajr and I am awake listening intently to the rain. My body lulled out of bed, the same way it was all those years ago. Perched knees sink into the pillow as the curtains quiver along with these fingertips.

I am a sleep deprived fool and a fool when fully rested too. There is nothing to see here , there are no stars when it rains , there are never any stars but I still stare into the pre-Fajr darkness. It is as if I am looking at the sound, the crisp lines of rain reverberate, like the strokes of an artist, in the soul of the painted. Yes, I am a fool, most definitely.

Ten years have passed and I still cry at the sound of the rain , out of habit mostly. I remember anxious eyes leaving to break their fast in more ways than one , hand in hand with him. She tells me religious things before she sins ,to comfort me, to call for help, I never did find out which. It doesn't matter now, I wasn't able to answer her. She is words of that water was delicious, the taste of Quran on her throat. She is texts saying I'll never be a good muslim no matter how much I try. She is gone though remembered and I am here, easing myself away from the window, for fajr, for prayer.

I will forgive but I cannot forget.

Saturday, 24 November 2012

Chambers of the Heart

I am narrow twisted corridors
With tack and love affixed to walls
And the paper peals from the weight
The ornate towers reaching ceilings
And emptiness and little nooks and crannies where
It is too hard for this soul to breath

I am full

My heart is filled with trapdoors and secret rooms
I amass the contraband of emotions and distant faces unwillingly
There is no more space I claim
But tomorrow comes and somehow everything fits

This is an organized mess
I know where everything is - I think
I am amazed and concerned simultaneously
What poor beloved item has been squished?
What will happen when my heart is well and truly filled?

I imagine heaven to be
A silver key that opens
An unfounded room of infinite space
I imagine heaven to be easy-breathing
with hearts filled with substance
I imagine heaven

I nail the image of heaven to the front door
Refusing to let anything else in

Be quick in the race for forgiveness from your Lord and for a garden whose width is that (of the whole) of the heavens and of the earth prepared for the righteous. 
Surah: 3. Al-Imran Verse 133

Friday, 23 November 2012

Unlike Fridays

I don't want to write poetry about you because you're not even that poetic.
I don't want to think about our impromptu meeting today because you are gone save unpleasant memories.
I don't want to be shaking but it is so hard to stop.

I want to be able to talk to you like a normal person and not feel as if I am lying to my soul.
I want to ignore all that has happened but how when he is standing right next to you.
I want to know that all these words and thoughts and feelings , these little tidbits of advice, random stories , my entire life this past year , all the random things that reminded me of you, every half formed apology , every Monday morning epiphany will somehow be conveyed to you, that in some strange and remarkable way ,just by the look on my face, you will understand what is heaving in this here chest.

And I want you to stop shaking your leg. I want us to finally be able to sit and talk, without that horrible strung tension, of avoiding the elephant in the room. I want peace for you .

I want...

I wish that I could say "Assalamu Alaikum Wa rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuhu" to you and that these almost wasted years could be a testimony to its truth.

Wednesday, 21 November 2012


You are a murder spilling
Blood indiscriminately stains
These children played beneath
A tyrant who ordered the slaughter slow
enough to feel the pain of limbs
Ripped and the sinew beneath your nails

You have murdered a nation
No earthly trial will do, you have
Butchered a people never met
And you cry the false tears of regret

Your palms are the sweaty red of
Adolescence and fruitless speech
Delayed prayers as fajr meets
You through curtains closed
Minded opinion, rationale of no benefit
Incessant need to stare with eyes of arrows
Poisoned acts of innovations
Quran whose explanation is unread
Completely until someone is dead and we
Clothe heads for a time to be seen and
We lie and we cheat and he beats
His mother into tears of nights
when he is never there because he
Drinks the blood of his victims
Heads spinning , palms wrongly read
As if to say through the smoke that
We feed the youth with idleness and curiosity
To kill the cats too as if
this all wasn't enough

We have murdered the innocent
We cry for Gaza , for Palestine
Cry for yourself as you stand
With unrepented sins and its
Corruption sits inside
Clasped, foolish hands

"Allah does not punish the individuals for the sins of the community until they see the evil spreading among themselves, and while they have the power to stop it, do not do so."

God commands justice and doing good and giving to relatives. And He forbids indecency and doing wrong and tyranny. He warns you so that hopefully you will pay heed.
Qur'an 16: 90

The lustful gaze is a poisoned arrow from the devil.

Monday, 19 November 2012

You will Remember

We forget the faces strained
with tiptoed messages saved
For seclusion, of self improvement

She almost whispers the word 'hijaab'
Trying subliminally to tell you
Choose not music choose Quran

Recall the faces shunned
For they strove to make you strive
They saw potential in once lowered eyes

They were hesitant not to hurt
But you took offense unfounded
Grounded heads were not of us

You will remember that
The words and them have left
Memories of milestones unreached
What harm is there to listen
To the preacher when they preach

"And Remind for verily a reminder benefits the believer"


I wrote this piece several months ago,near enough a year, and yet it feels like I could have written this just the other day. 

Quiet and reserved 
Or is it shy and unconcerned
Is it a crisp autumn breeze?
Or is it dead falling leaves

A big hearty laugh
Or just another fa├žade
Everything will be okay
Or is it just a brave face

Is it easier to worry
About everyone else
Don’t look in the mirror
Don’t think about yourself

Do you want to speak
But the words have gone away
Is it a breathtaking sunset
Or just the end of a day

Do your eyes swell with tears?
And you can no longer see
You stumble, trip and fall,
Lay dead on your knees

If I hold out a hand
How long will I wait
You know I’m there
Why do you hesitate?

Can’t you see what you’re doing?
Or do you not really care
For as long as my pain is silent
Then it's not really there

Perhaps you see a rainbow
I just see a rainy day
Perhaps you’re truly happy
Then why is everything grey

Years of memories turn to dust
Am I just a faded photo
Of someone you should recognise
From a time so long ago

I can’t describe, what I can’t understand
Why do we smile? Why do we pretend? 
If I could only find the words
Then maybe this would all end

Sunday, 18 November 2012

To Sow

Time makes things worse.

It ruptures this surface blackness
Beyond which is easy breathing
That stutters back and forth and I
Spray death on it persistently
Why must these weeds of hope grow
In the most awkward of places
Pessimism, Pessimism, snubbed beneath the shoe
And the weight of the words on my shoulders
Cracks the pavement and then
Or not quite then does the rain fall

I remember young hands planting
Seeds amongst the dirt
There are prayers we no longer remember
Dreams so grand we can't believe they are ours
It is not necessarily the persistent but
The patient, who sees the flower grow.

By time,
Indeed, mankind is in loss,
Except for those who have believed and done righteous deeds and advised each other to truth and advised each other to patience.

Surah Asr

And verily, the help of Allah is near!

“Messenger of Allah (sallallahu alayhi wassallam) said,
"The deeds are considered by the intentions, and a person will get the reward according to his intention.” 
Bukhari, Muslim

Is there anything more than the harvest of the tongues that throws people on their faces (or he said 'on their noses') into the Fire?"

Lonely Feelings II

There are billions of people alive
Who knew it was for me to cry
In an empty kitchen for you

I am tired of feeling for you
Exhausted at the thought of you
Yet waiting for the return of you

I write to make this tangible
But I am tangled in the thoughts
That even after a lifetime when
Wrinkled , shriveled hearts can barely
Pump blood yet alone anything else
I will wake on an odd day a Wednesday lets say
And suddenly the sound of grey haired fajr birds and rain
Will fall into places
That we once knew

I don't know how I will ever forget you
And what is breaking these lazy limbs is
The thoughts that I, I don't know how
To be the means to help you

Lonely Feelings I

Did We not expand for you, [O Muhammad], your breast?
And We removed from you your burden
Which had weighed upon your back
And raised high for you your repute.
For indeed, with hardship [will be] ease.
Indeed, with hardship [will be] ease.
So when you have finished [your duties], then stand up [for worship].
And to your Lord direct [your] longing.

Ash- Sharh

Friday, 16 November 2012

Candy-floss Years Ago

The Story of my Life Part IV

Candy-floss drips with the humidity
Pinkness stuck to the palms.

I tell her how I left them all
My own personal hijra to college
Leaving behind people I could no longer love
I found relatives beyond the blood
Of soul and essence

I shouldn't have left the
Way I did it all was wrong

The story of my life is
Looking over the shoulders,
Beyond the faces that connect to me
It is looking and finally seeing the
Street was never empty.
It is realizing that beyond my quaint
Little religious bubble
The life of those has descended
Into chaos, into Fridays with
Kisses on the cheek in the rain
I am burning in the flames of destruction
This abandonment is branded with
sunken hearts and sticky,useless palms

Thursday, 15 November 2012


This is not really speaking
No transfer of ideas or feelings
Everybody has ears but like they say
Very few actually hear beyond
The surface of what they can take
Because every word is a boulder
And these shoulders can only bear
So much we leave behind
And you'll find that hoarse little voice
The eloquent word erodes
You must be the your own wind
Carrying these thoughts beyond the trees of
People we meet and we forget idly
We must burn our own flame
Willing to sacrifice the wax that suffocates
And feel the heat in the blue
Skies beyond which are so many more
Worthy a journey, so do not be afraid
Take the journey to success and tell us all
About the ride in the afterlife

Verily, those who say: "Our Lord is Allah (Alone)," and then they Istaqamu , on them the angels will descend (at the time of their death) (saying): "Fear not, nor grieve! But receive the glad tidings of Paradise which you have been promised!
Surah Fussilat

O you who believe! why do you say that which you do not act? It is most hateful in the sight of Allah that you say that which you do not act.

Tuesday, 13 November 2012

False Loftiness

Driven personalities from naught to sixty
And not much further
He runs on his internal petrol
Burning every moral code of decency
He is smoke in the eyes of the pious
They cry because belief in the burning swells

He is blood ridden feet splashing
These human limbs are human
Little confidence placed in them
He is a lifetime of footsteps
Because that is the duration of this journey
The former leaves him during patient
walks down narrow paths
As he invokes his instruction manual
Before the inevitable crash

Are these hearts empty save
Increased heart rates that lead
Only to death
We seek speedy, artificial solutions
We seek honour in making it on our own
And perhaps our pride is justified if
You can stand on your own two feet-
Created by yourself- uncreated
Too pumped up with blood to seek
Questioning with unknown authority
Why not beseech?
Why are we writing
When we barely know how to read

So be patient, [O Muhammad]. Indeed, the promise of Allah is truth. And ask forgiveness for your sin and exalt [ Allah ] with praise of your Lord in the evening and the morning.
Indeed, those who dispute concerning the signs of Allah without [any] authority having come to them - there is not within their breasts except pride, [the extent of] which they cannot reach. So seek refuge in Allah . Indeed, it is He who is the Hearing, the Seeing.

Surah Ghafir

On the authority of Abu Harayrah (may Allah be pleased with him), who said that the Prophet (PBUH) said: Allah the Almighty said: 
I am as My servant thinks I am. I am with him when he makes mention of Me. If he makes mention of Me to himself, I make mention of him to Myself; and if he makes mention of Me in an assembly, I make mention of him in an assembly better than it. And if he draws near to Me an arm's length, I draw near to him a fathom's length. And if he comes to Me walking, I go to him at speed.

Recite in the name of your Lord who created 
Surah Al-Alaq

Sunday, 11 November 2012


I am tired of sending out emails en mass
I will find something, write something just so
And send it only to you
Maybe you feel lost beneath the names
Beneficial chain mail loses all benefit
Because hand wrapped gifts in vintage paper
Tied with a bow waiting for your fingertips to tug
Means oh so much more
I will be direct in my direction
Of all the people I love in this world
This gift of regular shaped letters, strings
Of ideas and emotions were meant only for you

I feel vulnerable, if you reject it
I am left red faced, ashamed
So what to give you in the first place
Despite all of this writing
These lines of verse
I am still averse to write to you
To speak to you
So drafts of a gift so well conceptualized
Wait miserably for weeks
Oh my Lord let it materialize
Let it materialize quickly , please

To Forget

There was a gap in your life
That I could never fill
Raindrops against my windowsill
This distance is almost theoretical
Your too far for my emotions to be plausible
Staring at constellations of stars
I can't help but wonder who you are
Everything has been eclipsed by him
And there comes a point when
All has been folded, dusted and cleaned
Finding false solace in the persnickety
And they say close your eyes, sleep and dream
But from time to time you're there too
I wonder that before I die ,
Will the onslaught of rain
Always remind me of you

Saturday, 10 November 2012


I know she says repeatedly
But she won't, she can't,she claims

Our love is a fatal obsession with our
Hearts caught beneath the tide
And to drink without thirst
Is to seek without need
As we drown beneath superficiality

There are gaps in our hearts
Little pieces of muscle worn
Away due to lack of use
We plaster walls with the sludge of sin
Temporary fixes drip
Stuck to the bottom of our shoes
We trudge, enveloped
As we drag it to every corner of our life
The footsteps merge together
No knowledge of how it got to this
The blackness drops from the ceiling
Onto darkened foreheads

It is when windows of opportunity open
That we in our dumbfound state
Cannot help but wince
At the incoming light

“…Surely sins are like the seeds of fruits that always bear like fruits. Some of the Salaaf have said that indeed the punishment for committing a sin is that one is compelled to commit sin again, and the reward for performing good deeds is the guidance to follow that up with yet another good deed. This singular action of doing a good deed bears a series of good deeds and in turn one’s profits multiply. Similarly sins accumulates more sins and begin to take shape and permanence in one’s character.
If a pious person were to leave a good deed, he would feel confined and constricted, though he lives in a world of vast magnitude. Much like a fish out of water. The soul finds rest only in the tides of moral decency. So it is the same for the sinner, who finds comfort only in the familiarity and repetition of an old sin. He, too, feels the same sense of longing as the righteous person does. He sins not for pleasure that is derived from it, but to pacify the pain that being away from it brings”
Ibn Qayyim [Ad-Da' Wad-Dawa']

Friday, 9 November 2012

Being Aware

He is on his own now, walking
backwards down that fateful street
I think my optimism is broken
I cannot quite fathom
Nor muster the strength to believe
It's changed?

I only want to tarry for a moment
Because any longer and I will reinvest this heart
And those long lost dreams will, breath
How should I ask her?
To ask her at all and
These behind the scenes previews are
Unshakably real
But I am an audience and she a celebrity, in a way
And she is right, we are on completely different levels
She is center stage and I
I am at the back behind the heads of others
Hearing words echoed , unsure
Whether you're talking to me

I am finding more and more in my life -messages. Messages that I'm not sure if I was meant to receive. Messages whose reply I cannot seem to write so I sit quietly, cross legged on the carpet back to a time when life was easy.

Thursday, 8 November 2012


It wasn't good enough for me
That every limb of yours would testify
The ground beneath us speaking truthfully
Of news, who knew we would be headlined
And I , thought it wasn't enough
That you would stand that day shaking
The quiver of resurrected limbs
As we intoxicated by the drink of sin
Stand oh so miserably in our own sweat
Oh no, it wasn't enough that you
Would be interrogated, humiliated
With mistakes stuck upon the tongue
As everything else finds its speech
No it wasn't enough that the whole
Universe shall witness against you
No I in my false claims of love
Have looked upon your sin silently, wrongly
And now even I with bitter remorse
Will be called to witness too

May Allah forgive you. May you stand on that day honoured. May my being in your life never cause you any grief in this life or the next.

Abu Hurayrah (radi Allahu anhu) reported: The Messenger of Allah (sal Allahu alaihi wa sallam) recited, “That Day it (the earth) will reveal its news (about all that happened over it of good or evil).” (99:4).
Then He (sal Allahu alaihi wa sallam) inquired, “Do you know what its news are?”
He was told: “Allah and His Messenger know better”. He said, “Its news is that it shall bear witness against every slave man and woman they did on its back. It will say: ‘You did this and this on such and such day.’ Those will be its news.”

"That Day shall We set a seal on their mouths. But their hands will speak to us, and their feet bear witness, to all that they did.
Surah Yasin

. . . And you will think people drunk when they are not drunk; it is just that the punishment of Allah is so severe.

Surat al-Hajj, 2

Hadrat Al-Miqdad (may Allah be pleased with him) said that he heard Allah’s Messenger (may Allah’s blessings and peace be upon him) say: On the Day of Resurrection, the sun will be brought near the created beings till it is about a mile from them, and mankind will sweat according to what they had done, the sweat reaching the ankles of some, the knees of others, the waists of others, while some will have their mouths covered by the sweat and Allah’s Messenger (may Allah’s blessings and peace be upon him) pointed his hand at his mouth.

Abu Huraira reported the Messenger of Allah (may peace be upon him) as saying: When Satan hears the call to prayer, he turns back and breaks the wind so as not to bear the call being made, but when the call is finished he turns round and distracts (the minds of those who pray), and when he bears the Iqama he again runs away so as not to hear its voice and when it subsides, he comes back and distracts (the minds of those who stand for prayer).
Shaytaan runs as to avoid witnessing a good deed. So how satanic are we, openly witnessing evil deeds without the conviction to correct it

The Believers, men and women, are protectors one of another: they enjoin what is just, and forbid what is evil: they observe regular prayers, practise regular charity, and obey Allah and His Messenger. On them will Allah pour His mercy: for Allah is Exalted in power, Wise.

Wednesday, 7 November 2012


This henna reminds me of life
With its fake vibrant red for a week
And like life it doesn't leave easily
We don't fade gently into graves
It is the abrupt pealing of dead skin
The vague marks we leave for loved ones
Of our fading orange light
The pattern of our life becomes disorganized
And they will remember us
As random dots specked in their memory
And they will remember us briefly on eids when
We are no longer there
And I am too scared to leave a permanent mark behind
Too scared that my hands might shake the
The lines of my life might not be straight
And so I am nothing but a raw, red palm
My potential ripping from my skin
This henna, this life disappears no matter
How hard we try to grip

By time,
Indeed, mankind is in loss,
Except for those who have believed and done righteous deeds and advised each other to truth and advised each other to patience.

Surah Asr

The soul of a Muslim is removed like a water drop flows from a vessel. The soul of a non-Muslim is removed like a multi-pointed skewer is removed from wet wool that causes the veins and nerves to sever 
Ahmad, Abu-Daawood & Al-Haakim

When a man dies, his deeds come to an end, but three: 
1. recurring charity, 
2. or knowledge (by which people) benefit, 
3. or a pious off-spring, who prays for him (for the deceased).

Sahih Muslim

Monday, 5 November 2012

To Fold

We fold our lives compulsively
Staring smugly at corners lined up so neatly
Smaller and smaller until it fits in our back pocket
Still a nuisance to remember that
We are still alive so fold some more
Until the sum of our emotions and feelings
Bulk upon the seventh fold
And the notion of who we are
Collapses upon itself
We are inside this paper somewhere
Suffocating beneath the crease
They find you lying lifeless with it in your hand
And there are words scribbled on the wrinkled page
There are words telling us to read
And there are things that cannot be compressed
Thoughts of where this is all heading  can't be left
At best it still rips through the corner of the page
And shreds of paper, of purpose, fall just the same

Read! In the Name of your Lord, Who has created (all that exists),
He has created man from a clot (a piece of thick coagulated blood)
Read! And your Lord is the Most Generous,
Who has taught (the writing) by the pen.
He has taught man that which he knew not.
Nay! Verily, man does transgress (in disbelief and evil deed).
Because he considers himself self-sufficient.
Surely! unto your Lord is the return.
Surah Al-Alaq

Broken Prayers

For all my broken prayers
Every time these eyes dared to dream
This mind yearned so earnestly
And I am caught in my own intoxication
Willingly falling backwards, jumping upwards
Searching inwards of this dusty head

Isn't it true, we've locked so much away
Woe to us too afraid , to afraid to dream
Why can't I change the world with limbs
Just the same of heroes of that bygone age
Great people are born within the chest
They are born of hearts that breathe
Of blood that pumps of minds that are free
And our biographies are written
We are the living characters of our own books

And we are fools to think we can't
We can never because our bodies are worthless
Commodities but our lives are exchanged
For greatness unseen to these eyes
And my prayers you ask , they are broken
By myself , too afraid to verbalize
And ask of God the things I cannot give myself

I have realized that my dreams are probably too big for my boots but then who needs shoes any way. Give me an empty mosque with someone to recite Quran, somewhere cosy and quiet to pray and leave those restrictive shoes on the rack outside as I find myself again in far better places.

Verily, Allah has purchased of the believers their lives and their properties for (the price) that theirs shall be the Paradise.

"When my servants ask you concerning me, (tell them) I am indeed close (to them). I listen to the prayer of every suppliant when he calls on me."

Sunday, 4 November 2012


From time to time I check your blog because it is all that I have left . I wonder if something I have sent or said so long ago has finally taken its effect . It is as it always is , a reminder, that no matter how precisely I plan , no matter how much I long I have no knowledge except that which is granted and  my actions have no weight except those that have been decreed into your life .

It is silly I think as I type, if everything had changed then your blog would no longer exist as it has become a testimony to everything that has consumed you. Yet I type with some kind of false hope and click with eyes eager to see the good .And I always do find something good, well kind of , I find something not as bad as the rest , something with potential and that is enough to put me at ease. As I do not ask perfection from anyone rather I ask for somebody to strive alongside with me.

To cut a very long story short, the first post on the screen was profound in so many ways . A montage of clips all showing , all showing the rain falling. I remember verses of poetry about those little circles , about the rain falling as I read for you, about me under that tree on the other side of the street , about prayers made at night with rain hammering against the window , about staring at the pavement and wet socks, about this year , about the rain and most importantly about you...

Is it wrong for me to believe that we are so similar in so many ways. Is it wrong for me to believe that what distances us is trivial . Is it wrong that I think if you were me and I was you I hope that you would never give up on me. And I pray that soon, so tantalizingly soon you will look at that post again and see all that I see and more. I pray you will see how God's mercy falls upon us so heavily and how much we avoid it for a time and how despite it all God can make daisies grow from the grey cracked pavement.

I cried because I doing my best and that is still not good enough. I cried because I can't save them if they can't save themselves. I'm being patient. I know these things take time. Lots and lots of time. I know that I can't give up. I can't lose hope in Allah (swt). It is true though. Allah doesn't guide those whom you love, rather He guides those whom He wills. And that is a fact we have to accept. As we are, ultimately, His slaves after all.

One Moment

She is living in a moment, fleeting
The wind blows hardest during the storm
When our veils leave our unprepared heads
And we brought ourselves to this  with
Steps not miscalculated but blindly taken into an abyss
Of life and living

Every gush of winds pushes her further in
The eyes of the storm see more than she ever did
She argued with her mum before she left
Poisoned blood pumped limbs to dally in streets
Only a few minutes longer and him for who she didn't care
She spoke just to warm the air around her, to numb
Her pain with something potentially greater
One misjudgment brings death in such abundance
Of backstreet abortions and broken family links

She waited far too many years for this walk in clinic
She didn't have an appointment , she never needed one
Gushing her confession the wind in her breath comes and goes
She is nowhere grand, cross-legged on hardwood floors
With hands desperate to grab her prescription of forgiveness and hope
Her fleeting moment lives eternally in peace guaranteed
The release from self built pressure and this false life of ease

Narrated Abi Abdurrahman Abdullah bin Mas'ud, May Allah is pleased with him:
 Allah's Apostle, peace be upon him said, "(The matter of the Creation of) a human being is put together in the womb of the mother in forty days, and then he becomes a clot of thick blood for a similar period, and then a piece of flesh for a similar period. Then Allah sends an angel who breathes the soul into him, and is ordered to write four things. He is ordered to write down his (i.e. the new creature's) deeds, his livelihood, his (date of) death, and whether he will be blessed or wretched (in religion). So, by Allah the One, a man amongst you may do good deeds till there is only a cubit between him and Paradise and then what has been written for him decides his behavior and he starts doing (evil) deeds characteristic of the people of the (Hell) Fire. And similarly, a man amongst you may do (evil) deeds till there is only a cubit between him and the (Hell) Fire, and then what has been written for him decides his behavior, and he starts doing deeds characteristic of the people of Paradise."
Narrated by Al-Bukhari.

Behold, Allah enjoins justice, and the doing of good, and generosity towards one's fellows; and He forbids all that is shameful and all that runs counter to reason, as well as envy; and He exhorts you repeatedly so that you might bear all this in mind.
An-Nahl 16:90

 “He will say: ‘What number of years did ye stay on earth?’ They will say: ‘We stayed a day or part of a day: but ask those who keep account.’ He will say: ‘Ye stayed not but a little, - if ye had only known!’”
Quran 23:112-114

“Say: O ‘Ibaadi (My slaves) who have transgressed against themselves (by committing evil deeds and sins)! Despair not of the Mercy of Allaah, verily, Allaah forgives all sins. Truly, He is Oft‑Forgiving, Most Merciful”
 al-Zumar 39:53 

Saturday, 3 November 2012

Unsent Letter

I have found an old letter which I never had it in me to send. Please, somebody, anybody read it and benefit . If I must spend my days as an emotional mess let it at least be of some benefit to somebody.

Friday, 2 November 2012

To Meet a Hijaabi

1) Please refrain from shaking hands. Hijaabis do not feel a compulsive need to touch your hands upon greeting even if social norm states otherwise

2) Do not compliment her Hijaab .Hijaabi wears hijaab to avoid that kind of attention. It also seems as if you have gone out of your way to compliment her, making her feel somewhat uncomfortable.

3) Are you hot in that thing ? The answer nine times out of ten is no . Even if hijaabi's head was boiling she's not exactly about to disrobe . Which brings me onto the main problem with this question , it has a 'you clearly are hot in that why don't you take it off?' undertone

4) Do you sleep or shower with that on? The answer is no . This is an incredibly inappropriate thing to ask how would you feel if somebody asked you the level of clothing you wore when undertaking everyday tasks?

5)You are oppressed. *Facepalm*

6) Why don't we take the elevator? Hijaabis don't like to be alone with random men however nice they may be . So although she appreciates the offer she would much rather risk a cramp climbing 6 flights of stairs then spend an awkward 40 seconds staring at her shoes in the elevator.

7) What does your hair look like ? Now really, why would a hijaabi describe her hair in vivid detail to you after she spent 10 minutes this morning stabbing herself repeatedly with a 'safety' pin  while tying her under cap as tight as possible so that for the rest of the day nobody could see her hair.

8) You look like a nun/ a penguin/ a ninja. Right, here I was thinking I looked like a Muslim.  I'm glad you shared your incorrect observations with me, now I know exactly what other people see when they look at me

9) *silence*. We are still human please don't ignore us . I know it can be scary talking to your first hijaabi and I hope the above hasn't completely put you off , all you need to do is talk to her about an actaul work/educationally related issue and then the second step is quite simply to maintain a physical and to a certain extent emotional distance . And there you have  it you've sustained an appropriate conversation with a hijaabi without a hoard of angry girls niqaabing up and jumping you (just in case you're wondering we don't actually do that) .

If your a non muslim  or just some random guy I appreciate that you actually care enough to read this . Also if you have done any of the above don't worry we hijaabis know people don't do these things on purpose to spite us( well I guess that's before the random guy in the shop bumps into you twice and the logical part of your brain switches off #rant)  and we think your attempts are kind if not a tad misguided.

PS I'm not qualified to speak on behalf of all hijaabed muslimahs so perhaps it would be best if your read 'hijaabi' as 'hijaabi in the rain' it would make this post a lot more accurate.

Thursday, 1 November 2012


Everything is haram he says stubbornly.
It is the exception not the rule.

To live the way you feel is like
Feeling the way you live
As if life was some tangible thing
Our chemical imbalances push us to the brink
Where its a long way down but with the wind
On our backs we think , poor 'rational' thing
Jumping, flightless bird for a moment our intellect
Is dense pulling us to the ground at a speed calculated
Not by us , because our hardware is dated
Circa Adam and Eve and these newfound apps
Upgraded till we crash , these self running
Machines don't run very far at all
Our life becomes these huge fizzes of joy
Before clouded in our own smoke we burn

Alcohol and intercourse.
Moderation they say, one unit
But our bellies desire for three or more.
Enjoy life it's far too short.
Tell that to him as he limps
With a swollen leg, no roof on his head
Tell him it is only a drink
Tell her as she shakes at the thought
A little clump of flesh clings
Two strikes and your out
The stability of a relationship
Is marked when you rock the boat
The trepidation in her eyes because
It is all a little bit of fun .

Perhaps they are exceptions too
But humanity means for myself as for you
I cannot look them in the eye and say moderation
I cannot ask why did you jump
When we paved the path to the edge of the cliff
I cannot risk their souls
And we must accept that these limbs
Cannot fathom that much control

If the Son of Adam had a valley of gold, he would desire another like it...

They ask you (O Muhammad ) concerning alcoholic drink and gambling. Say: "In them is a great sin, and (some) benefit for men, but the sin of them is greater than their benefit."
Al- Baqarah

Warfare is ordained for you, though it is hateful unto you; but it may happen that ye hate a thing which is good for you, and it may happen that ye love a thing which is bad for you. Allah knoweth, ye know not.

And do not come near to adultery, for it is a shameful deed and an evil, opening the road (to other evils)” al-Isra, 32.
(Islam forbids everything that leads to the sin too ,to make it easy on us . We are not told to not fornicate and then allowed to dress indecently in public and be flirtatious . This is the wisdom behind many rulings they aim to protect us for all the things leading to major sins this is part of the way the Shariah Law is derived  Allah knows best)