Ramble

Compromise is unutterable , an ugly, heavy word, forming uncomfortably in the small print.

It was not my intention to write this here , to write this , to write.

Sometimes I wonder at the paradox of principle . The excellence in the grandiose , the simplicity in excellence . I demean the latter despite lacking the moral fibre to achieve it.

When I think of compromise , I think of betrayal and the bitterness of that gives way to humanity. A compromise rooted in betrayal rooted in compromise.

Life has always been full circle and never quite straight lines .

Are you feeding a hypocrisy ? Or are you trying to shirk your responsibilities ? An old friend told me to give back , I give aghast at the quality of that which I have to give.

Most days I think of the brevity of life.  My bones ache in loss , I trade in loss , I meet and greet in loss , I walk in loss.

She told me that ' every soul is continually tasting death'

I don't stop here. I don't stop at the edge of every unique reality to remind myself there is an optimum . A perfection in the handling of every moment.

We are so intertwined that it has become our detachment . Our pale faced denial.

Do you value love and progress and goodness more than vulnerability. Why is it so often a hidden pride masking all our wounds ?

Dear world, this is where I fell. Do not fall here too.

Numb

Tell me where it is supposed to hurt
On which wound should my tears sting
If all my veins are lined with hypocrisy
Maybe I sold my soul too cheap
Took a faith as fleeting
Can't even pinpoint where
Did it all go wrong ?

I sit with my old self on rainy days
One foot in the grave , a heart filled with dust
Of shame

Its strange

Maybe my mind is fire
That my limbs will taste

Perhaps your words made knots in my fate

Tell me where do I begin
Crave a silence too deep for a body to withstand
Bound to that which isn't sacrificed
Sacrificed along with that which isn't bound

Forgive me for misendeavors
The vilified victim , the victimized villain
The lines blur to no discernible end

It's strange

Tell me something I do not know -
But make me understand

On Beauty and Weddings III

Bloodlines disperse with belief
These generations are untraceable
Unteachable , unbelievable
I hold my breath when she tells me

I feel religiosity stuck in our throats
It hurts and we diverge
Like pebbles in the sea

Ask me about beauty
I would say she runs
Like a glass thread through our hearts
Transparency in being
Sincerity in action
Caught somewhere awkward
Where unsaid truths tick away another hour

The outcome of our collective childhood
Is bitter sweet tongues and
Distance growing weeds
A half bloom of flowers
that may never see another spring

I want to sit where the river splits
I want to understand


Thawban related that the Messenger of Allah said: "The nations are about to call each other and set upon you, just as diners set upon food."
 It was said: "Will it be because of our small number that day?" 
He said: "Rather, on that day you will be many, but you will be like foam, like the foam on the river. And Allah will remove the fear of you from the hearts of your enemies and will throw wahn (weakness) into your hearts."
 Someone said: "O Messenger of Allah! What is wahn?" He said: "Love of the world and the hatred for death."

Anonymous

Nameless, faceless pills to stifle the ego
I am not here to kill my lower self
If I nurtute her in darkness perhaps
Then and only then will she seek light

I should take my hesitations, place them
Under the watching of God
Speechless
Absence is an elixr for the restless
And such sincerity comes into question
If the auditorium was empty
How loud would I speak ?

So I'm pealing back the layers to the essence
Find the who behind the what
Clarify the why's

But I am labelled
Easily identified
Discerning eyes swallow my words

I speak of goodness
Though there is little goodness in me
May God mask the shame of what I've become

Spiritual Limbo II

I am lost
Wandering
Vague steps towards God

Associated negativities pile
Hearts in their dying breaths
Plead , can't you find any good

The world is muffled
There are layers upon layers
Numbing the hurt of living

Guidance flickers in the distance
What a beautiful religion
Woe to an ugly approach

There are no homes on this borderline
Just a lonely tight rope
To a garden , they say
But worldly burdens weigh
And words disappear
Into the black canvas of my heart

Continuity

All dirt and no seeds
My mind is a wasteland of thoughts
Trying to find a dream

Its all in simplicity
One foot after the other
But there are people piling deeds in their sleep

A fool would sprint a marathon
But these idle feet grow restless
And it isn't about shortcuts
Just reassurance that it'll be enough

Dreams elude me nowadays
But I'm searching for a deed so pleasing to God
I think when I find it
I won't tell a soul
About the gardens in my heart


Reported by ‘Aisha (RA): Allah’s Apostle (peace be upon him) said, “Do good deeds properly, sincerely and moderately and know that your deeds will not make you enter Paradise, and that the most beloved deed to Allah’s is the most regular and constant even though it were little.”
Bukhari

The Messenger (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “When a man dies, his good deeds come to an end except three: ongoing charity, beneficial knowledge and a righteous son who will pray for him.”
 Muslim, 3084. 

“Amazing is the affair of the believer, verily all of his affair is good and this is not for no one except the believer. If something of good/happiness befalls him he is grateful and that is good for him. If something of harm befalls him he is patient and that is good for him” Saheeh Muslim #2999

A Gift

Bought on whim
It reminded me of you for
All the wrong reasons
Means meet ends behind
A small silver box

Associations taint our spirits
Sins said with our names
Till we forget the sting of unfamiliarity

Forgive me but the only gift worth giving
Is taking you by the hand and running
But how limp are our hands
We're packaged in lies
We suffocate

I'm sending empty parcels to God
Hoping he will fill these void vessels
With lightened chests and a once lost innocence

"When the servant performs a sin a black spot appears on his heart, and if he seeks forgiveness this black spot is removed, and if he returns to sin the black spot grows until his heart becomes black, and this is the 'Raan' about which Allah said, 'On their hearts is the covering of sins (raan) which they used to earn.'" (Qur'an, 83:14)
(Hadith An-Nasa'i and Al-Tirmidhi)