Friday, 21 December 2012

To Keep a Promise

Do not mistake these steps of haste for hate
This sadness in my eyes refuses to penetrate through
Facades built so readily
And our fake smiles and uncomfortable hellos
After months of nothingness would break me

Whenever your ready
I'll blot out this unfortunate history
And we'll begin anew
It's normally about now I remind
That I am still waiting for you
Because I promised no matter what
That I would

You were red faced and I was surprised at your reaction . My naivety about the situation most likely shining through in perplexed looks. You were quick to add that it is no longer, tripping over words and I , I had no reason not to believe you. So I reassured that it was fine and it was so easy for you to lie to me but thats beside the point.You kept going on about how its changed , about everything in grave detail and yet in none. I was bewildered. Could you really not comprehend that I didn't mind so long as improvement came surely and steadily , after all I was in a similar boat,we all were. You still continued, still red faced and I...

"It's not that big a deal sis. I mean like you said it was a long time ago and things have changed. I'm sorry I brought it up I didn't mean to embarrass you, you have to understand sis. You have to understand this one thing it doesn't matter what you do and I really mean it,no matter whatever you do I will still forgive you and I'll still be here. Thats the whole point , thats how it works we're sisters after all"

I spent a long time thinking after that.Grand ideas in books of bonds beyond the blood never seem so grand when I fail to put them into practice properly. Why could she not see that I was struggling too , that I needed support , that her trying would always be more than good enough for me, that she didn't need to hide, or be ashamed and that sisterhood transcends most anything. Now I look back and I wonder why she lied and how that would become the premise of all destruction that came and tearful eyes and wakeful nights.

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